Mother.

I will not be discussing any of this at any point beyond this.

If you had an objective point of view you would see that mine is every bit as legitimate and accurate as yours is (which I don't dispute but I wouldn't mind two minutes to get a word in edgewise once and a while) and seeing as you said "Are you sad today?" "or...I'm getting bad vibes...(open ended question to explain). I assumed very wrongly I guess it was my turn.

The fact you forget everything I say is a relationship issue for me. In my opinion it should be for you also.

I hope you realize that there is not a single thing I said in the entire car that I regret. When you behave this childishly as you have done for the past few days you DO deserve to go to hell and rot there. And I AM better then this and I don't know how to make you see this. It says nothing about me I promise b/c I'm the biggest load of crap there is out there. It's more a statment about you...when you let this part of you take over, its you who deserves every bit of it I promise. You're lower then I'll ever be.

Letting me play the songs I want when CBC drives the majority of the population mad, and giving me a ride home once and while DOES NOT get you out of every piece of shit you put me through as a child. Everything you watched my father do and say to me. The fact that the cat will not go without food he requires and I go without contacts or my sight is not one I have accepted and nor should you...I have been relegated to the crap of the family (again)...I'm not imagining it. Exaggerating maybe...but not imagining. As far as music goes compromise is always ALWAYS negotiable. But It gets you out of nothing. You start anew and at an incredible distance.

You trapped me again in the car. The next time you do I will be calling the police. I promise.

You are full of shit. Go put it out in the garbage where it belongs...my contacts can wait another day if need be.

Now b/c I'm an adult. And I believe in behaivng that way, I emailed to let you know I will be going to the hospital tonight. I need to talk to someone. It was either that or call qb in nz and that bill was going to be too large and I couldn't risk having to pay it.

You will not contact me until I choose to speak to you. I will ignore you if you call me at home, and be requesting that the hospital not give you any information about me. If you come to the apt the police will be called and a restraining order filed.

But yes I am fine. You can rest easy. And if you can't it won't be b/c of me.

I do plan on going to Cheryls tomorrow, so as planned I would still like to meet you at 10:45. You will not address me please other then to call to let me know you are coming (which btw will go to the answering machine), and I will not speak to you. You have abused  the privelage of speaking to me as a human being and although what I said was not exactly "human" either it was all ALL founded and in response to being trapped and hurt relentlessly, ruthlessly, and yet again.

If you have a problem with that arrangment you can let me know...again it will go to my answering machine. Please let me know before 9:30 so I can cancel the appt.

I am ill mother. I am unwell. I will not appologize for it and I will not appologize for being human or emotional or correct or damaged or anythinge else. I will not thank you forever and ever for what you offer to do and put you up on a pedistal for it but will thank you merely once like I do everyone else. I owe you nothing.

the person whom you call your daughter (its disputable admitedly whether I concurr at this moment)

Sarah

a copy of the email i sent mum...if i'm not around a couple of days you know why...

Um yeah seroquel. For some reason I find it makes me really really sensitive to the light and as I have now effectively doubled the dose that is proving to be quite problematic. Funny how I choose to do that going into SUMMER as oposed to winter. Seriously tho the cloud cover outside is ridiculous and I'm still wearing sunglasses. Oh yeah am not lookin gat keyboard so if this makes nosense that;s why. Too much light= sensitive head...add to it the really loud radio Ashley insisted on playing before we went out to a move that we didn't actually go out to...don't ask...and the recent activity. Ow head hurts.

Cutco...is proving to be a slight pain in the arse....I keep getting told to urge ppl to spend on impulse and buy the whole freakin set...Except I have now recieved a second msg (in about a week I might add)asking to have the order altered I'm assuming or somehow changed-And God I will fall over if its' to have something added.... ARGH. This ppl is why I try not to push it as much as the stupid encyclopedia dudes for example who keep insisting on the fact that your childs education is def worth the 13 cents a day you'll be paying for youyr entire life.....so I don't have to double the paper work (yanno b/c we let ppl return the stuff).... Yeah went on field training w/JS to try and figure out why I'm not selling more "sets" and apparently that's it...I drop down too fast and don't argue the objection and go throught the objection cycle...Um seriously the whole thing about I want to talk to my husband (who btw is a chef and does all the cooking in the house) makes perfect sense to me...guess what? if he doesn't like the product then he's going to send it back and then I'm going to have money that I would have counted on taken away...it's how that grand CPO jazz works..but yeah confusing and too much paperwork!!!! also making sarah's head hurt!

What else...oh JS is pretty adorable. He arrives at my doorstep having figured out how to get there using a GPS. SNORT. And then we use the GPS to get there despite the fac that I am well aware of how to get there without the GPS and yeah so the female voice in the GPS starts giving him directions in French ofcourse and I tell him theat his gf is bitching at him...He doesn't get it. So I tell him I'm joking and he finds this to be the most hilarious thing in the world....Sweet sweet guy tho...waits for me to get in the door before driving off and stuff, this ofcourse is the only time I can't find my keys...

Group tomorrow. I have managed somehow to put on about point four of a kilo in five days...ED is not liking that.

Anybody seen that show make me into a supermodel? I think it might quite possibly be even moroe ridiculous (as in bad ofr body img and stuff) then ANTM

OKay bedtime now...